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Worst week of my life :EDIT:

Tue Mar 14, 2006, 7:40 PM
Well, a friend managed to cheer me up, and i can clearly see how this huge mood swing happened

It all started out from mass art commission. 3 paintings for one local restaeaunt, and some chalkbored work at the bar. Made like 180 dallars that week.....and man i was high off it, as in high from happyness. Never made this kinda of money in one week, all earned from hard work. Got to go to the big city aswell .......two times to be exact and man i was so free, blew that money rather quickly. Never been so free, its like all the worries of the world gone in a bliss of a shopping spree

Then this week hit, and before the family was having some paronoia problems. I suddenly, lost my happy high, and somehow somthing happened in my head. I want more money like this, how do i get money like this more often. I also wanted a new PC more then ever, i wanted school, i wanted to be free again. But money stops it all. Then the aunt thing hit hard, that i am still have to pay 2000 dollars for this 8 year old shit pc, and family became the enimy cause i have to give them 400 board cause the ontario dissability said i have to or i lose the support, everything eating at me over the years, boiled over and exploded. been mentaly unstable for almost a week now, wanting to taste the freedom again that i tasted last week.....and now i hurt family feelings, cause i vented. i upset my mom so much, that she didnt want to come home today......all i can think of is my future, new pc and money and its drivibg me insane

I wish i could transform into a mighty dragon and fly the world, to be free again.....

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So I vent, and all goes to hell......family about to tear eachother appert......mabie they be better without me.....go away bad thoughts -_-

Devious Comments

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fuck everyone else. what good would it be for you if you were without yourself? sorry if i'm miss reading this - but i see suicide thoughts. and i'll be the first to let you know that that is dumb, as bad as life gets - at least you are still alive. there is always something you haven't done yet, something you've always wanted to do. if you are seriously considering suicide - try think of one thing you always wanted to do, and then think of why you can't do it. you should realize that there is no reason why not to, and then you can go do it.

personally, i don't believe anything happens after this life - so if this is all there is, why cut it short? if you believe there is a heaven and hell - then killing yourself sends you to hell - again, why cut short your life? there is aboslutely no reason for suicide.

if people in your life are being retarded, get away from it all. go for a vacation (or maybe even move) at least a thousand miles a way, visit europe - see the cliffs of spain, try the wine and breads of france, gawk at the british wierdos with the messed up teeth, do what you've always wanted - i think you'll find yourself a lot happier than if you were to kill yourself : ).

so yes, go away bad thoughts!
hey. i got one thing to say to you. NOT YOUR FAULT. never blame familial shit on yourself. just do the best you can to make things better without sacrificing your identity. and if you cant.... YOU'RE MORE IMPORTANT. never forget that. being yourself, doing what makes you happy, that is the most important thing. and if your family/friends cant deal with that, fuck 'em.

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"...how many of you who sit and judge me have ever walked the streets of Bakersfield?" - homer joy

"They're not socks." Fieldy

~CrittersClub
Perservere!! its all i can say (i spelt it right, right?)
yeah sudicidal thought leeked out >< friends cheered me up but i do have commence sence left not to do anything stupid.....these dark thoughs just come, and i dunno why they have to come. human mind such a mystery =/

prob gonna update journal on how this huge mood shift happened, from soooo sooooo happy to utter utter depression
i try to keep bad thoughts far away, but somtimes, they just come and eat the mind alive >< commen sence somehow stays threw it and i dont do anything stupid
Just enslave kids that always cheers me up.
:hug: I know how you feel KR. I get the same way with my family, and I hate how money imprisons everyone. >.< And your aunt is a bitch. I would tell her fuck you. This computer isn't worth $2,000. I would try to help you if I could.

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Member of ~Anti-yaoi-yuriclub
shes fine, its just this comp thing has been eating at me for years, and i need to talk to her more then ever now
K. Then go talk to her. :hug: X)

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Member of ~Anti-yaoi-yuriclub

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